what i was and what i want to be

Some days, I struggle a hell of a lot to express myself, as I like, in Swedish. I don't know why that is, I guess my brain is just more set in to the english language some days, depending on whom I have spent the day with, what I have done, and what I wish to say. So here I am, today, thinking in English..so, I am not gonna waste energy on trying to write in Swedish. But God yes I do feel quite embarresed that my swedish is on the same level as a 10 year old's. Nothing I am proud of, I have got to work on it. Need to read more swedish books. Shame ,shame, shame. I don't want it to be this way. I used to be quite creative with the swedish language before. As I said, it is sad. I will work on it.

This was not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about being able to become someone you never thought you would. Or wanted. Not very long time ago at all, I used to be a moaner. A girl full of self pity, who just went on, and on, and on about all the worries, anxiety and shit in my head. I was extremely unsatisfied and ungrateful. I did nothing but stumble.
Today, I am full of energy. Am working on listening to my heart and something greater than me in order to do the right thing. I am no longer cursed by my thoughts. I am no longer a moaner. I no longer fuck things up.
Instead, I am more productive than ever and do a lot of stuff. I am aiming for my dreams and am in the process of making them happen. I am running. I am a goood employee and a better friend than before, mainly cause instead of vomiting all my self-induced worries on everyone, I can actually listen and be of good company. I dance until early hours in the morning, with a Red Bull in my hand. I take care of myself. I am a good daughter, and next week I am taking my parents out to a top notch reastaurant cause I want to give something back to them. And this is just a very beginning. What I want to become is a lot more, but I have just started to learn, and to understand - that you can be whoever you want to be. And do I want to be a wanker? HELL NO!! I am aiming high ladies and gentlemen. Cause I've got faith that I can.